Exploring My Faith As A Woman of Coast Salish and Mexican Heritage

Hello beautiful people! So as per my last post on housekeeping, I felt it necessary to address my faith. Why? might you ask. Well, I told you that I purchased "The Christian Homemaker's Handbook" which would give you the impression that I'm Christian. And you wouldn't be wrong exactly. But you wouldn't be right either. I do believe in God and read the bible. I do believe that there's a lot of wisdom to be found there. But it's more complicated than that. I don't attend church and I disagree with a lot that the church stands for. Today I'm going to talk about how my culture has shaped my views on religion. Though I am of mixed heritage we will discuss the cultures that I've been most exposed to and identify with, Coast Salish and Mexican.
Let me just get right to it. The history of Christianity towards Indigenous people has been one of violence and Indigenous peoples were quite a bit better off before Europeans and their Christianity came knocking at our door. This is just #facts. I could get into all the horrible things that Indigenous people faced at the hands of European Christians, and what they still face today. But that's a whole history lesson and if you don't know about it you can and should research it. Let's stick to my family's personal history that has shaped my view on Christianity.

My maternal grandmother attended Residential School in Canada as well as a boarding school for Native Americans here in the U.S. These were schools run by the church and government meant to strip First Nations (Indigenous to Canada) and Native American children of their cultural heritage, and they weren't optional (read about residential schools here and watch a video on U.S. boarding schools here). They were rampant with neglect, physical, mental, and sexual abuse towards Indigenous children by the staffs and leaders of the schools. A couple of years ago her brother, my great uncle, along with other First Nations elders received a financial settlement due to the abuse suffered at these schools.

Swampy Cree children praying at a residential school. Photo, obtained online, is from the book 
Residential Schools: With the Words and Images of Survivors.

Despite these abuses my grandmother raised her children as Catholics. Throughout her life she suffered from many afflictions caused by the trauma of the schools and died at the age of 36 (read an article about how the children of residential and boarding school survivors were affected here ). I never got the chance to meet her. You can imagine how the facts of her life have led me to a conflicting view of Christianity. I know other Natives who have rejected Christianity all together in response to the violence brought upon their families in the name of Christ. That being said, our tribes have our own religious practices. Due to my family's history of leaving the reservation I don't know much about the holy practices on my native side. Though I have been exposed to my Coast Salish culture, it hasn't been enough for me to get a thorough understanding of ceremony or traditions. It's still part of me and I do have family that is very close to our cultural heritage. I wish I could have more access to it. I wish my kids could grow up around it more as well and it's something I should be making more of a priority towards. The truth is though that there is church 5 minutes in any direction, but my Coast Salish culture isn't as accessible since I don't live near my tribe's reservation which is a couple hours north of the Canadian border.
Totem Poles in Canada where my grandmother was born.

As for my Mexican heritage, the history is a bit different. As it is right now my children are more exposed to their Mexican side as both my husband and I are Mexican. I, however, am 2nd generation Mexican American, and therefore more inclined to align myself with Chicano values and culture, which are pro-Indigenous and more connected to the experience of a person of color growing up in the U.S., while my husband is born in Mexico and has traditional, conservative Mexican Catholic values. I could write a whole book on the differences I've experienced in our marriage alone but I won't do that here. Back to religion. Though Christianity entered Mexico through violent conquerors and racism against Indigenous people is still rampant in Mexican culture, there was more of a blending of races and Mexicans still hold on to many Indigenous practices along side their faith. As many people know, most Mexicans are Catholic, though not all. My (Mexican) father's mother is Jehovah's Witness, though he was raised Catholic until the age of 13 when his father died and he left home soon after that. From what I see, Mexicans view religion as very much a part of our culture. It's my experience that for many, religion is more about culture than worship. To tell you the truth I've met few people in my family or otherwise that have really been able to speak in depth to me about their Catholic faith when I've asked. I don't mean to offend anyone and I do know people who are devout and believe strongly in their faith. I'm only trying to convey that the religion you practice can be part of your culture or, in the case of my grandmother, separate from culture. 

La Virgen de Guadalupe and the brown praying hands that grace our home. 

Growing up, my family didn't attend church weekly, but read the bible at home sometimes. I wouldn't say my parents had the best experience with church or they probably would have taken us more often. Mind you I grew up in Seattle where religion just isn't a huge part of life in general. At this point in my life I'm actually glad we didn't have a certain religion as it gave me the freedom to explore different faiths. As a child we would at times attend church if we were invited. I've held on to this tradition and because of this I have attended several churches of different denominations. I've been to Catholic, Evangelist, Protestant, Baptist, Jehovah's Witness, Mormon, you name it. They all say the same thing in different ways, though some Christians will fight to death to proclaim how different they are.

A church near my home.

I never really found what I was looking for anyway. But there's something about worship in general that makes me feel closer to God, I cry almost every time I do go to church. Still, I can't wrap my head around a lot of the truths regarding the church like the abuse endured by Indigenous societies. I find myself fighting on the daily between what is right, wrong, what happened, and what is a natural desire of the human heart: the need for culture, truth, security, and faith. And I think at this time religion has failed to give me these things. But as I professed to a friend recently, you have to believe in something! So for now I will still read Christian housewife books. I will do more to explore my Indigenous culture and traditions because that's part of who I am and without it something will always be missing. My children's official religion due to their Mexican heritage (and my husband's insistence) will most likely be Catholic (my son is already baptized).
But as for me,
I will remain in that space called "Spiritual".

Do you have a complicated relationship with your faith? Let me know here, no judgments!