Good morning and happy Monday!! I love Mondays don't you? Lol I know like half the world hates them. But I always try to do something I look forward to on Mondays. It used to be a dark mocha from Tully's back in the day, today it's writing this blog. I think adding something to Monday's is in order though. Anyways, I felt a little uneasy about my last post and I'm not sure why. Was the post a bit heavy, did I leave you on a dark note? I'm not sure. Let me know how you felt about it, will you? Today I want to talk about something happier. So I will talk about this new concept I learned from one of my feminine energy/relationship groups. They call it "Romancing Yourself". The idea is that you don't depend on anyone to romance you, you just do it yourself. I'm not talking physical romance (though if that's your thing, then please proceed!). I'm talking things like instead of sitting around wishing your man would buy you flowers, you buy them yourself. This isn't about rubbing it in his face either, it's about actually enjoying the flowers. Need a foot rub?, give yourself one or head to the nearest nail spa. This is about making sure anything that would make you feel good, gets done. As a mother I've talked about not putting myself on the priority list. It's like I wanted someone to give me permission to go out and get my needs met. But no one needs to give me that permission. I'm an adult and that means I need to meet my own needs. If I feel like something is missing, I need to go out and get it. For example I don't even know when the last time I got a pedicure was and I feel embarrassed of my feet. So today I think I'll go out and get one. Maybe for you, you haven't had time to just sit and read a book. Tell your husband you're going out for a coffee and will be back in a few. Take your book and leave your baby lol. Still looking for permission? I just gave it to you! I know it's not always that easy. What if you don't have help at home and don't have anyone to ask? It's important that the kids know mommy has her needs too and that means sometimes entertaining yourself while mom relaxes with her favorite show. This will take a few tries and they wont get it every time, but believe me, when I need my alone time my kids know about it.
Here's the second part of this- Why this actually makes you less selfish. Let's start with how it makes you less selfish. You know the saying, you can't pour from an empty cup? When your cup is full it makes it much easier to pour from. When you feel like you have your needs met and then some, you can give back with a light and uplifted heart. But I want to reiterate something one of my mentors talked about recently. Some people are NOT in a position to give back. It's as simple as that. In her case she was talking about some single mothers. In my case I think of my mother. Um, seeing a pattern with mothers here! Giving, giving, giving, when you really don't have anything more to give, can cause problems for you and sometimes for the people you're trying to help when you can't follow through. An example, you promised to give your cousin a ride to pick up some formula for her baby because dad forgot to bring it in the house and left to work, but you spread yourself too thin and can't make it last minute, well now you feel like that hungry baby's cries are on your shoulders...and maybe so does she. In cases where you are not in a position to give back, do not let that make you think you shouldn't be showering yourself with love. Charity starts at home, and your beautiful smile and happy attitude will fill the hearts of your children, that's more than enough. Especially when their cute little smiles fill the hearts of everyone they meet. There's something else I want to add about how caring for yourself makes you less selfish. Someday you won't be able to care for yourself. Yeah let that sink in. Care for yourself now. And who will be caring for you when you can't do it anymore? Hopefully your kids. Please don't make it harder for them. The more you take care of yourself now, the less they will hopefully have to do for you as you age. A little anecdote about this. I used to work at an establishment which was located in a government facility. I saw a lot of retirees and due to my position I could see their birthdates on my screen. I noticed that there were some very old retirees who would come in joking and dancing up a storm. Then some who really were closer to my age than to their peers age, and some of them could barely walk. Now I know each person had their own story, but what I was thinking was that I really hope I'm like that old woman who's all dressed up and flirting with the teller at age 96, seems like she really took care of herself.
But that last part is more about self care than romancing. Romancing is kind of the cherry on top sort of stuff. Things that make life more beautiful. Dancing to some music on the beach at sunset. Taking a hike just to see the view. Getting a massage just because you can, or giving yourself a massage. Buying yourself a new perfume. Lighting some candles. Looking in the mirror and telling yourself you're beautiful. Writing yourself a love letter. Getting your portrait done. It may seem silly at first but after you do it, it's actually a beautiful thing. It's about self celebration. What ideas do you have for romancing yourself? Let me challenge you to romance yourself at least 3 times this week! Let me know how it goes!
Sometimes I try to add a "Romance Myself" ritual to the normal everyday. Like using a relaxing aromatherapy soap every day when I shower😊
